You're my little dorito
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize