our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
