An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
