I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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