awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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