I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The best revenge is premature balding
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
