Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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