so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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