Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
