apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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