bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize