hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I believe in your delicious
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
