Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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