we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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