I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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