She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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