i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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