so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
