there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
