nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
