i think my tv is drunk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
