Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
