did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
