Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize