I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
