he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
