I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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