Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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