I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
