i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
