Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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