Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
