I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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