Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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