Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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