In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
