Porn is love you can see.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
