Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize