I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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