hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
