You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
