I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
