you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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