im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize