Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
being pregnant is like rehab
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
