If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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