Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
