if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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