At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
