Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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