boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
