He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
