Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
