They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
