yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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