My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
