Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
