Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
bring money and cleavage
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
