sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
