I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
