I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
