Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize