i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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