one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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