They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
