I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
