Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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