It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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