Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize