you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
