I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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