have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
