Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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