Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize