I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
