i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dick very happy bro
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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