Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was CRYING into my vagina
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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