Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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