I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
