I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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