batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
