I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
